FLATHEAD, Athletic Superstar
Often called the flattest of the Flatheads, Babe, the youngest of
the twelve, was born in 748 GUE with an aptitude for sport. He
demonstrated his dexterity and coordination early on, throwing baby
blocks at his older siblings with impressive speed and accuracy.
a youth (c. 748~760), he was always captain of the Little League teams, thanks in
part to pressure applied by his uncle, Mayor Fiorello Flathead. Even as
a teenager (c. 761~7), he was something of a lady's man and a party animal, and
his older brother Dimwit would frequently have to bail the Babe out of
jail following one infraction or another. By all accounts, Babe and
Dimwit, despite their 25-year age difference, were closest of all the
When he reached college age (c. 767~770), Babe selected
Mithicus Province University from amongst many eager suitors. At MPU,
Babe was a 43-letter man, leading his team to championships in every
existing college sport and several non-existent ones as well. (Many
experts feel that Babe's teams would have won these championships even
if every competing school had NOT had their QCAA memberships revoked.)
the Babe's professional sports career, he excelled in everything he
tried: bocce, tag-team kayaking, full-court furbish. There was only one
exception. Try as he might, Babe could not master Double Fanucci. Even
the unexplained disappearances of the 339 leading Double Fanucci
players failed to get Babe into the championships. Fanucci experts
believe that Babe's difficulty with the game could be traced to one
weakness: his failure to remember that three undertrumps after an
opponent's discard of a Trebled Fromp is an indefensible gambit.
782 GUE, the Babe was such a phenomenal drawing card that Dimwit
constructed the kingdom's largest sporting arena, Flathead Stadium, in
his honor. It was there, during the shark-wrestling semi-finals on 14 Mumberbur 789
GUE, that the youngest of the Twelve Flatheads met his end.
corpse was later placed in the Tomb of the Twelve Flatheads and his
skull upon a pole outside the same crypt by the "Keeper of the
Dungeon." Although dead, the Twelve Flatheads foresaw that some cretin
might tamper with their remains. Therefore, they took steps to punish
trespassers with a curse. It is assumed that his remains are
still there to this day.
The wooden club of Babe Flathead had a winged rodent engraved on the barrel.