J. PIERPONT FLATHEAD, Dauntless Banker and Financier

J. Pierpont Flathead was the fifth son in his family, born in 730 GUE. As a child, J. Pierpont demonstrated both the flair for capitalism and the resourcefulness which would make him the most successful banker in all of Quendor. The enterprising eight-year-old opened a lemonade stand in the center of Egreth Village, using the royal militia to force citizens to buy the lemonade. At spearpoint, most people were willing to pay little J. Pierpont's exorbitant price of 300 zorkmids per glass. Ice was extra.

He also used the militia to quash the other lemonade stands in the city, and later to shut off all other beverage sources as well. As the prices at his lemonade stand soared into quadruple digits, J. Pierpoint quickly realized the benefits of monopolies. In 749, at the age of nineteen, J. Pierpont became a clerk at the Bank of Zork. Six weeks later, following a rash of disappearances of his successive bosses, J. Pierpont became the youngest Chairman of the Board in the bank's history, a testament to his financial acumen.

As Chairman, he used his royal connections to eliminate all competing banks, increasing the Bank of Zork's market share from 99.2% to 100%. (He was later able to increase this number to 131% by encouraging customers to deposit their money several times.) He also supervised the installation of the latest magic-based security techniques to guard the bank's vault and deposit box areas. For unknown reasons, J. Pierpont hired exclusively gnomes to fill his teller and security positions.

J. Pierpont Flathead also pursued the unusual hobby of giving away, anonymously, the sum of one million zorkmids — to persons he had never even met. He did this twice, as a matter of fact, and then suddenly realized how stupid he was being. So he sent his four largest and most persuasive henchmen to visit the beneficiaries, and thereby recovered most of what he had given away. From then on, his motto became "A penny earned is mine."

Other noteable events in the live of J. Pierpont is the writing of his outrageous autobiography titled, "I'm Rich and You Aren't - So There!" the 100,000 zorkmid bill, which only one of such bill was ever printed at his personal request.

J. Pierpont Flathead served as the Chairman of the Board until his odd disappearance in 789 GUE, when he entered one of the bank's vaults and never re-emerged. Although gone, he is not forgotten; reproductions of his portrait still hang in every branch of the Bank of Zork. In fact, one of these portraits, from the ruins of the Flatheadia branch, was taken in 948 GUE by the Second Dungeon Master and given as payment for the services of a wicked demon.

His corpse was later placed in the Tomb of the Twelve Flatheads and his skull upon a pole outside the same crypt by the "Keeper of the Dungeon." Although dead, the Twelve Flatheads foresaw that some cretin might tamper with their remains. Therefore, they took steps to punish trespassers with a curse. It is assumed that his remains are still there to this day.

IMAGE01: Portrait of J. Pierpont, one of the Treasures of Zork