PAUL FLATHEAD, Seaman and Explorer
Born in 738 GUE, all the Flathead aunts and uncles predicted early
on that John Paul would find his destiny at sea. He loved boats so much
that the royal carpenters were ordered to produce a flotilla of 1,400
vessels for his bathtub. (His bathtub had to be consequently enlarged;
a large inland sea resulted.)
From an early age, John Paul
suffered from an inferiority complex derived from being the second
"John" among the Flathead children. (In his autobiography, Mumberthrax
explains that when he named John Paul he "simply forgot about John D.")
This complex made John Paul determined to become a world-famous
At sea, his feats ranged from the
courageous (he was the first person to traverse the Great Sea in a
one-man ship) to the curious (he set a new record for the most
circumnavigations of Antharia on a raft towed by groupers).
766 GUE, at the age of 28, John Paul joined the royal navy; by 771, he
was the ranking admiral; by 773, every ship in the navy had been sunk
or lost at sea. John Paul retired shortly thereafter.
his latter days touring the Flathead Ocean, collecting curious and
unusual pets from all corners of the world. Among the most interesting:
a large blue toad named "Otto" who was known for his extraordinary
appetite and his curmudgeonly personality.
John Paul died
Mumberbur 789 GUE, during a vacation in Grubbo-by-the-Sea, when his old
nemesis, the great white jellyfish, finally caught up with him.
corpse was later placed in the Tomb of the Twelve Flatheads and his
skull upon a pole outside the same crypt by the "Keeper of the
Dungeon." Although dead, the Twelve Flatheads foresaw that some cretin
might tamper with their remains. Therefore, they took steps to punish
trespassers with a curse. It is assumed that his remains are
still there to this day.