"STONEWALL" FLATHEAD, Military Hero
Born in 726 GUE, T.J. "Stonewall" Flathead received his celebrated
nickname while serving as a Squire in the Royal Army during the famous
seven-week Battle of The Stonewall in 747 GUE. The Stonewall was a
strategically vital locale, commanding the two most important caverns
of the Eastlands. When reports arrived that rebellious natives had
captured The Stonewall, taking the old fort as their principle
headquarters, T.J. Flathead and his garrison were assigned the
mission of retaking it.
Flathead was the first to use the massive feint as a brilliant military
tactic. He realized that a straight on attack would cause many of his
wealthier trained soldiers to perish. Dividing his army, he attacked
directly with his small band of peasant conscripts while his trained
soldiers circled and attacked from the rear smaller wall. The tactic
was a complete success and resulted in total surprise. The garrison
stormed The Stonewall.
Unfortunately, the information about the old fort had been erroneous
and the opposing forces had not taken the wall or its fort. The
supposedly rebellious natives were actually all vacationing in the Gray
Mountains and The Stonewall was completely undefended.
When the smaller army of peasants appeared at the battlement so quickly
and without a fight, the conscripts mistook the elite brigade for the
enemy. This was unfortunate for the peasants, as the elite brigade was
both well-named and vengeful. The vast majority of the peasant army was
soon slaughtered and the elite brigade took command of The
Stonewall. Nevertheless, had the enemy in fact been there, the
strategy would surely have been a successful one. T.J.'s men suffered a
casualty rate of nearly 75%, but his tactics during the battle were
brilliant, and he would henceforth be
known as Stonewall Flathead.
Stonewall rose quickly through the
ranks, and in 755 GUE he became General of the Royal Army. During his
34 years in command, he squelched three provincial rebellions and over
12,000 tax riots. Fortunately, his unlimited conscription powers helped
mitigate the 98% casualty rate his army suffered during these difficult
battles. One of Stonewall Flathead's mounts was a unicorn named Wilma.
Stonewall died on 14
Mumberbur 789 GUE during the Battle of Ragweed Gulch, when he was accidentally shot by one of his own men.
corpse was later placed in the Tomb of the Twelve Flatheads and his
skull upon a pole outside the same crypt by the "Keeper of the
Dungeon." Although dead, the Twelve Flatheads foresaw that some cretin
might tamper with their remains. Therefore, they took steps to punish
trespassers with a curse. It is assumed that his remains are
still there to this day