Yannick's Inquizivision Speech, 1067 (A)
/ (B) / (C)
Inquizivision set up at Mesa (A)
Inquizivision destroyed (A) / (B)
Mir Yannick, the Grand Inquisitor of Zork during the eleventh
century prenteded to be the religious leader of the land as means of
obtaining power. Having already possessed Frobozz Electric, the
Totemizer, and Propaganda, he planned to realize his dastardly dreams
to forever rule the Empire by using the diabolical tool, Inquizivision.
The powerful mind-control device was in the form of the Inquisition
Cable Network, which he planned to broadcast from atop Flathead Mesa
and use to broaden and enlighten the minds of citizens across the
countryside. This super-plan
would tighten his grip on the minds of the Quendorans so painfully,
that he believed it might never be reversed. A radio tower other
essential to its broadcast were erected upon the top of Flathead Mesa.
non-stop twenty-four-hours-aday Inquisition programming would brainwash
the already mind-numbed, dogma-fed population until their brains would
become useless mush.
only was Port Foozle liberated on Frobuary 34th, 1067 GUE, but it
was the date that the Grand Inquisitor had completed his technological
wonder. The following day, with the population of Port Foozle and the
surrounding regions gathered at the base of Flathead Mesa,
Yannick publicly announced his radical new mind-numbing technology
that would implement his visionary "One Point of Light" program.
The following excerpts from Yannick's speech details some of the
tragedies that would have arrived with Inquizivision:
loyal Foozle - Foozilli - people of Foozle. Today, citizens, I give you
all-purpose remedy to your boring and mundane lives. (THERE IS CHEERING
THE CROWD) I have in my hands the detonator that will blow the magic
under us. Five thousand channels.
advances technology has brought us in the past hundred years, following
decline of magic! We have Zerts with Zetsyn and Zogaine with Zenoxidil.
lights that are activated by a simple clap on - clap off. We have salad
shooters and granola grinders and knives that can cut through a can of
platypus one moment, and a tomato in the next. Why, only just days ago,
received a patent application at Frobozz Electric, for an individual
cube-shaped beverage coolant system, that would enter into a beverage,
the substance itself - from the inside out! With the advent of
the Inquisition can help administer a soothing, controlling ideology to
family, within your own home, every hour of every day of every year.
think you will also enjoy the mellow dogma tunes of the Inquisition
you wash your dishes, make your beds, and polish your busts of the
Inquisitor. The beauty of Inquizivision is that it's cost-efficient and
to use: Just take the remote from your television, and substitute it
new Inquizivsion remote that comes with the Inquizivision subscription.
open the hollow bottom of the remote's outer shell. Take a moment to
the screw as the symbol of the Inquisition in Occupied Port Foozle. Now
rest is easy - all you have to do is remember to take one of the little
pills every day, and allow for ten to twelve hours of dogma recitation
of our five hundred channels. You should be feeling happy and fulfilled
time at all. Please do not operate heavy machinery. Offer void where
are prohibited. Actual numbers of pills may very from dealer to dealer.
will come to see me as I see myself -- as a handsome, benevolent
who is hardly corrupt. Not only will you find yourself able to shun
most new sensation, and in some cases, all sentient thought, for up to
four hours a day, but you will find that as you supplement your
daily dose, you will be able to customize your dogma discipline to fit
at night? Try Inquisition Prozork with Evening Appetite Suppressants.
trouble sleeping? Try our special Inquisition Prozork PM. Trouble in
marriage? The Inquisition Muzzle-Up will allow both you and your
avoid unnecessary pleasantries, and even necessary pleasantries, since
party will be able to communicate in any traditional fashion.”
Together, AFGNCAAP (who would become the Fourth Dungeon Master) and
Antharia Jack, with the guidance of Y'Gael, returned magic to Zork and
thwarted the unleashing of the powerful Inquizivision.
In order to bind the high, middle, and deep artifacts together and
return magic to the land, each of the three had to be placed in the
correct order along the Inquizivision's radio tower. The Skull of
Yoruk, being the receptacle
of deep magic, went in the glass dome at the bottom. The Cube of
Foundation, being the container for middle magic, went in the nook
halfway up the tower. The Coconut of Quendor, being the symbol for high
magic, went in one of the balls of the wind gauge thingy at the top of
the tower. Unfortunately, when it was placed inside, the wind gauge
thingy became unbalanced. The Dungeon Master instructed AFGNCAAP to
hang his lantern on the opposite side to balance it out. It was then
that Antharia Jack kicked in which his part of the plan,
which was to create a distraction. To the adventurer’s dismay, his
clever distraction was to point AFGNCAAP’s presence on the tower to the
Grand Inquisition himself in the middle of his speech. Despite the
cheering crowds and their support, the Grand Inquisitor’s broadcast was
cut off and he immediately came up the tower. AFGNCAAP quickly cast
MAXOV upon the tower to bind the energies. The resultant blast threw
AFGNCAAP and the Grand Inquisitor from the tower while sending a
shockwave of magic across the land, diffusing all of Yannick's
technology—the radio tower and the monitors and the rest of his
Historians have speculated, that if activated, Inquizivision was
certain to destroy all free thought, free speech,
and free magic in the Underground. Historians have called this
prevented time period of Zork "the Age of the Vast Digital Wasteland."