OF THE ELASTIC TENDONMirakles of the
Elastic Tendon (an alternate translation being Mirakles the Unhamstringable), son
of Thrag the Dog-face God, stepson of King Hyperenor, a quasi-demigod,
semi-godlet, was a tenth century king of the Sunless Grotto.
In the physique department it would have taken at least two
of the most brawny of barbarians to be the equal of this darkly-tanned hero,
and then have a little change back. That was how huge and strong Mirakles’ arms
were, how barrel-chested he was, how broad and great his back, how powerful his
legs. And he was of fine features, too, for a wandering swordsman, which he
inherited from his mother Desiphae, as well as a small amount of Flathead
blood. In addition to his matchless strength and boundless courage, he had a
certain force of personality that came from being born to command. Because his
father was Thrag, this explained Mirakles’ superior warlike attributes, as well
as his semi-divine healing power.
King Hyperenor was not his true father. His beautiful
mother, the elusive Queen Desiphae, a royal virgin, was visited once by Thrag in
the guise of a year’s supply of microwave popcorn. Nine months later, she gave
birth to her son Mirakles, as well as to a hideous monster known as Smorma, the
great ravenous anemone. King Hyperenor did his best to kill Smorma at the
instant of its birth, but it slipped from his hands and fell into the Grotto.
The king was understandably distressed and confused by this entire ordeal, and
he picked Mirakles up and threw him into the water after the anemone. The queen
cried out in anguish and alarm, certain that Mirakles would drown instantly,
but a miracle occurred. A magic creature, Akubasimé the Loon of Truth, swam up
with the child clutching its long neck. Akubasimé flew away with Mirakles and
for many years he was raised by laughing, happy, joyous gypsies in a land far
When Mirakles returned to the Sunless Grotto at a later age,
he was raised into adulthood by Hyperenor and Desiphae. The king never learned
the truth about Mirakle’s bizarre parentage, though he loved him deeply and
fiercely in his own somewhat eccentric way.
The great sword Redthirst had been the family’s one great
treasure for centuries. When Mirakles was but a stripling, his father, King Hyperenor,
passed on to the boy the mighty blade. Hyperenor knew that his son would have
to rule in his stead, and what had to be done in order to move things along so
that history could happen. The king put on his ceremonial feather headdress and
went boar hunting all alone without his courtiers and no weapon but a pointed
stick and left his son. Mirakles never saw his father alive again, and on that
very day he changed from a headstrong, impulsive boy into the shrewd,
courageous, taciturn hero it had always been his destiny to become.
Mirakles’ life before he became king was intriguing. He
lived his entire childhood in the land around the Sunless Grotto, rescuing
maidens almost before he knew what a maiden was, had been an assassin, a
mercenary, a bodyguard, and a kidnapper. Killing a dragon that was ravaging a
neighborhood was good and worthwhile work, but he was lucky if the need arose
twice a year. His impatient personally had such utter contempt and disdain for
early-morning jubilators who woke him up, that there were very few left alive
in the realm of his stepfather, King Hyperenor. Very
few. For at the
brink of dawn, he was usually dismissing the last of the night’s handmaidens,
the ones who would rub his entire body with jasmine flowers when she had
finished her other duties. The rest of the time he admired his reflection in
And thus when it came for him to win his own fair kingdom,
he decided to depart from the Sunless Grotto. Before departing, his mother
taught him the first secret of Redthirst, and left her as regent of the great
underworld realm until his return. And so, he lived on his own, day by day,
looking for fame, fortune, a kingdom to conquer and the hand of a beautiful
princess. When he first left the Sunless Grotto, he found the sun unnatural,
His adventurers eventually drew him close to the White
House, where Glorian of the Knowledge was appointed as his supernatural guide
for his upcoming quest. Mirakles had grown up believing that he was the true
son of Hyperenor, never realizing that he was Thrag’s son--
Glorian was the first to reveal the information to Mirakles.
Within the White House, the two newly found companions met its current owner, Morgrom
the Essence of Evil, the one who from the morning of the first fresh rainfall
that fed into the Sunless Grotto dared to boast that he would be Queen
Desiphae's ultimate husband and sought for an opportune time to despoil her by
force. Disguised, Mirakles was unable to recognize Morgrom’s identity and
accepted his quest. The Essence of Evil had recently brought up the time
machine from the ruins of the Royal Museum intending to restore the Great
Underground Empire to its former splendor. But there was one part missing, the
Golden Dipped Switch. Morgrom needed Mirakles to find it for him. He also
presented Mirakles with a Frobozz Magic Scroll of his father Hyperenor, but the
Frobozz Magic Hot Key is the only thing that could unlock the Frobozz Magic
Lock. That hot key would be found alongside the switch. Mirakles anxiously
accepted the quest.
When Mirakles realized that is was Morgrom who had issued
the quest and that in actuality, the plan involved Morgrom going back in time
to replace Dimwit Flathead on the throne of Quendor, the prince was enraged.
But his family firmly believed in the fulfillment of all vows, no matter the
nature, and Mirakles was unable to back down. (Mirakles’ quest in the Dungeon
of Zork is too long of a tale to retell here. A detailed summary of this account
can be found in “The History of Zork”, section “Morgrom and the Golden Dipped
Throughout his expedition of the underground, Mirakle was
able to recover the switch, the hot key, and learn the two last secrets of
Redthirst. One of these revealed that the sword was dedicated not only to the
protection of the Sunless Grotto, but also of the Great Underground Empire.
Once he was killed by grues when battling Shugreth the Unenviable, sent to
Hades, where he immensely enjoyed the eternal battles upon the Plain of
Constant Conflict. His opponents there hated him the most because he was the
son of Thrag. They blamed Thrag—and through him, Mirakles—for ending their
happy lives. Glorian and Spike entered Hades to rescue his soul from the
endless torment. Though this all had been a ploy of Morgrom to force him to
search that region for the switch.
He hacked through zombies, rode a hot-air balloon, obtained
food for a deceptive tortle, and freed Glorian of the Knowledge from
imprisonment at the hands of the corrupted Autoexec. Along with his companions,
Glorian of the Knowledge and Spike the Protector, he was able to defeat the
Autoexec and his armies of mundanes. He defeated a kimono dragon, was betrothed
to Princess Melithiel of the House of the Fourth, faithfully returned the
Golden Dipped Switch to Morgrom, and watched as the Control Character destroyed
the Essence of Evil. He scored 11 of 22 points on Lord Raglan’s list, thus
earning him the reward of Melithiel for queen and the warm boots.
Following the defeat of Morgrom, Mirakles returned with his
wife to the Sunless Grotto as King and Queen. Mirakles slew his brother, the
hideous Smorna and claimed the great treasure at the bottom of the Grotto.
While the Control Character granted Mirakles guardianship over the Great
Underground Empire, it is unknown how this was worked out with the current
guardian. For the Second Dungeon Master ruled from 948 to the end of the First
Age of Magic in 966, when he was succeeded by Dalboz of Gurth. If the role of
Mirakles did not interfere with that of the Second Dungeon Master, this would
imply a co-guardianship.
TRIVIA: Mirakles had a terrible fear of heights.