"In Magic We
-former G.U.E. Tech motto
The Great Underground Empire Institute of Technology, founded by
William Barton Flathead and
George Underwood Edwards
sometime prior to 786 GUE, is still the most
prestigious engineering school and spellcasting institution in all of
Zork (although due to the dispersal of magic in 1647, the magic careers
have been temporarily suspended). Prior to the Great Diffusion of 1247,
the university did not exist in our space-time, but in a parallel
dimension called the Etheral
Plane of Atrii, having (now disfunctional) magical gateways in at
least Borphee and in the underground region near Port Foozle. There is
still severe debate, even today, as to the uncertainty if the
insitution was named after Edwards, or the "Great Underground Empire."
873, it was still the newest
of the Moss-League Colleges, producing the
young Enchanters of tomorrow. Today, G.U.E. Tech, an equal opportunity
institution, is accredited by the Frobozzian Commission for Higher
Learning and is licensed by the Commonwealth of Quendor.
Despite the absense of magic throughout the land, for the prospective
student, there is still a stringent, but wide-ranging
cirriculum at G.U.E. Tech. As early as the tenth century GUE, all of
the insitutions two
and four year undergrounduate programs could be completed at night.
Degree programs are offered in Civil Engineering, Mechanical
Engineering, Interactive Engineering, Electrical Engineering,
Engineering, Angst Therapy Engineering, Biological Engineering,
Nordandbertcouldn’tmakeheadortailofital Engineering, Liberal Arts,
Labor Relations Engineering, Pharmaceutical Engineering, Activisional
Engineering, Chemical Engineering, Bio-synthetic Engineering, Physical
Engineering, Mental Engineering, Emotional Engineering,
Biotechnical Engineering, Gabaccardial Engineering, Financial
Engineering, Metallurgical Engineering, Thaumaturgical Engineering, and
The university is also well-known for its MDL "exciting" degree in
which is advertised as a program that could lead its graduates to
really big zorkmids:
YOU too can make BIG MONEY in the exciting field of
Mr. Anderson (TAA) says: "Before I took this course I was a lowly
bit twiddler. Now with what I learned at GUE Tech I feel really
can obfuscate and confuse with the best."
Marc Blank had this to say: "Ten short days ago all I could look
forward to was
a dead-end job as a doctor. Now I have a promising future and make
Tech can't promise these fantastic results to everyone. But when you
Your MDL degree from GUE Tech, your future will be brighter.
Required courses for all students are offered in Ambition, Distraction,
Humanities are not slighted in this institution, as the student may
register for Reeling
and Writhing, Mystery (Ancient and Modern), Seaography, and Drawling
(which includes Stretching and Fainting in Coils). Advanced
expected to learn Laughing and Grief.
G.U.E. Tech holds a wide range of extra-curricular activities including
intramural frobozzball, Rock Hops, Pop Physics Club, and Zorkaholics
Anonymous. The institution's hometeam is the famous
When magic was able to be actively practiced, students in the School of
either took classes in the well-known Enchanter Hall or went through a
week "Learn-at-Home" course. "Why spend your life as a woodcutter when
magic can open doors for you?" According to 957 statistics, over 70%
of G.U.E. Tech graduates found careers in magic-related guilds. Many
even went on to start their own magic companies, and became an
identifiable subculture known as "Yuppies," or "Young Underground
Professionals." Others went on to obtaining their Doctor of Thaumaturgy
(D.T.) or Doctorate in the Science of Enchantment. During this period,
the annual Spelling Bee, in late spring, was free and open to
HISTORY OF G.U.E. TECH
resident researchers had always been on the cutting edge
of magic technology. Before the collapse of the Great Underground
Empire in 883, late-model robots, such as Robby, were produced by the
Frobozz Magic Robot Company and trained at the university to perform
various simple household functions.
In 957 the university's Spell Science Lab was
heavily involved in research with highly GNUSTO-receptive paper which
it hoped would be sensitive enough to allow even the most ancient and
mighty spell to be copied. The results of this research were never
In the early 960s, Mir Yannick became the first student ever to be
voted for explusion from G.U.E. Tech.
The first temporary collapse of magic happened in 966 GUE when a
conflict between the powerful Head of the Circle and his own Shadow
knocked the cosmic equilibrium out of balance. With the disappearance
the soil which G.U.E. Tech had been rooted within, the university
closed immediately with the intent to never reopen.
But with the return of magic in its fullness in 1067, G.U.E.
Tech once again summitted at the forefront
of arcane research. Its students took advantage of the mutability of
Ethereal Planes to create a
wide variety of ethereal creatures that adventurers could fight for
practice. This flat and featureless landscape shrouded in thick mist
was known as the G.U.E. Tech Training Grounds. Difficulties arose
during the Great Monster Uprising when these threatening creatures of
outlined shape somehow took on solid
form and started fighting back. Thus the university was besieged by an
endless sea of monsters, making it a premiere place for adventurers to
travel to for a spurt of
G.U.E. TECH: DURING THE
FIRST AND SECOND AGE OF MAGIC
To even enter G.U.E. Tech, one was required to pass the entrance
exams, which upon completion would produce a gateway leading from the
physical world to Atrii. The Port Foozle entrance consisted of an
door (forbiding access to those without basic
spellcasting ability), and a series of three ringed pillars barred on
both sides by dangerous grass and bottomless pits. Upon each
of the pillar's three rings were various images. The rings had to be
rotated so that they formed one logical, continous image out of the
three rows of pictures on each pillar. This was one to test aptitude
for visualization, pattern
recognition, and clicking. The portal to enter the university was made
by aligning the third of these into the image of a window.
Although the university is in the Ethreal Plane of Atrii, it still is
somehow mystically anchored to the physical world by its portals and is
effected by events occurring in those regions. For example, on two
occurrances (on in 1067), when the four sluice doors of Flood Control
Dam #3 were closed the dam burst and the Frigid River flooded. Since
Great Underground Empire shares one predominant
irrigation system, students as far away as the Eastlands Campus of
Tech were flooded for an entire semester, causing the course in Magic
Potions 101 to become Magic Kayaking 101, and subsequently rendering a
term's worth of cheat notes utterly useless.
The Infinite Corridor, so-called because it was infinite, was part of
the hazing procedures at G.U.E. Tech. Many a student have been
flunked out for poor attendance because they could not get to their
classes. There was a magical trick needed to traverse it: the sign,
"The Infinite Corridor" was purple, thus requiring the use of an IGRAM
spell ("turn purple things invisible") upon the words "Infinite" and
making the hallway into a smallway. If one waited too long, the hallway
would revert (this reverting process did not seem to effect those
already traversing its length). However, alternate results were
permitted to prevent foolish intruders. IGRAMing "Corridor" resulted in
"The Infinite" in which the hallway
disintegrated into the airless expanse of the cosmos. Since most
adventurers were ill-equipped for such space travel, their heads would
instantly explode. On certain days of the year, the setting sun shines
all the way down
the Infinite Corridor. Following the Great Diffusion of 1247, the
abscence of magic resulted in the foundation of a finite corridor,
although an extremely long finite corridor. Aside from the legendary
Infinite Corridor, G.U.E. Tech is reputed to have had more bloits of
corridor than any building except for the, now removed, castle at
As this was a magic university, all doorways were magically sealed and
REZROV-proofed. This included the tempered Borphean steel lockers,
which were actually connected to the candy machine buttons and could
only be opened with the purchase of a treat.
G.U.E. TECH: DURING THE
GREAT MONSTER UPRISING OF THE SECOND AGE OF MAGIC
One of the many portals leading to the Bozbarland
installed within G.U.E. Tech during the Great Monster Uprising.
DURING THE THIRD AGE OF MAGIC AND BEYOND
the First Great Diffusion of 1247, the institution was again closed due
to the dispersal of all magic, and physically relocated from the Ethereal Plane of Atrii to its portal
entrance in the city of Borphee. But its facitilies did not close as was
done at the end of the First Age of Magic. G.U.E. Tech
careers in magic, instead focusing to train students solely in the
studies of science, technology, and engineering.
included: Astronomy courses, Moral Philosophy courses, Intensive
Metallurgy, Introduction to Fuel Gas Engineering, Textile Technology
coures, Zinc As Life Force Seminar (Alchemy),
underground tunnels connect most of the buildings. However, many of
these tunnels are very old, and a number have been closed for safety
reasons. While many students are tempted to explore, it is dangerous to
risk such a daring adventurer. Several deaths have been attributed to
student explorations in the tunnels, including rumors of uncertain
repute related to demonic activity (see below). Closed tunnels are
off-limits; they were closed for a reason and students are encouraged
to restrain their curiosity and keep out of them.
It is usually
the easiest for new students to live in a dormitory and subscribe to
the school meal plan. But, as many students can contest, the easiest is
not always the best, and in the case of G.U.E. Tech's food service, it
is said to be the worst. Food ranges from bad to inedible, and the
cafeterias are only open for a few hours around each mealtime. Instead,
upperclass students have advised the freshment to consider 'roughing
it'. Dorm-sized refrigerators are easy to come by, the area
supermarkets carry a wide variety of both recognizable and exotic
items, and hot meals were readily available from local restraunts--the
general favorite of these being: Crust & Noodles, Dot 'n' Dash, Hoagie Shack, House of Roy, Reilly's
Real Irish Pizza, and Rudy's Eating and Drinking Saloon.
dorms are co-ed, with men and women housed on separate floors. A few of
the smaller upperclass dorms are for men only, and Stella Barton Hall
houses fifteen senior women. First-year students are usually stuck with
whatever room they are assigned to. Elrod Bok is reputed by students to
be the best freshman dorm; Murani House had been said to be the worst.
The best upperclass dorms are Berkowitz Hall and Lunce House, while
Chapelgate is well-known as a party dorm. Dorm forniture is strictly
functional and (if one was lucky) less than 50 years old.
students outgrow the dorm bookshelf within one semester.
Tech has a host of fraternities and sororities. Pledging takes place
the first week on campus. Since each house appeals to a different type,
it is recommended for freshmen to analyze each of them to find one that
is a good match. Information is always provided by the Interfraternity
spite of the abundance of rumors, G.U.E. Tech does not have the highest
suicide rate in Greater Borphee. However, it is a high-pressure school.
When things became distraught, students are encouraged to seek help at
the Counseling Center. These visits do not appear on their permanent
record, and complete confidentiality is maintained all at times.
students spend most of their time studying, they are urged to remember
that life exists outside of textbooks and the computer screen. Some
recommendations are the Museum of Contemporary Art or the Loeffler
Aquarium, joining the Freshman Drama Group or the Hellenic Club,
writing a weekly column for the G.U.E. GNEWS, or taking advantage of
the Athletic Complex.
The invention of the automobile
forced the installation of free above ground grue-free parking.
School Traditions include:
Biology students delve into the mysteries of the digestive
system. This popular course makes full use of G.U.E.'s
modern laboratory facilities.
G.U.E. Tech Jargon:
rug rat (or rat)
Following the invention of the automobile
(which was first produced during the late 14th or early 15th century
GUE), an event of debatable authenticity, involving the Lurking
occured in the lower regions of G.U.E. Tech at a time when magic was
slowly beginning to return, most likely during this Third Age of Magic.
[please see the appropriate entry for more information]
Written and composed by Maj.
Chas. Gleason, it is customary for the chorus to be
sung only by seniors and alumni, while the tune is hummed by
underclassmen. The final chorus is repeated, with everyone
joining in. Originally, G.U.E. was commonly pronounced 'gooey' (rather
than 'gee-you-ee' as it is today). The former pronunciation should be
used when signing the alma mater.
When Georgia planned his Institute
Upon the river's neck,
He little guessed the glories
That would fall on G.U.E. Tech.
So let's all toast our founder
Raise high the glass of beer
There's nothing we would rather
Than a G.U.E. engineer.
Our commonwealth of farmers
Held industry in check
Until a school for engineers
Broke ground at G.U.E. Tech
Architects built up the country
Designing bridge and deck
The best were trained and tutored right
Here at old G.U.E. Tech.
G.U.E.'s more than labs and texts,
So let's say "What the heck!
On Pigeon Day we'll take a break
From class at G.U.E. Tech!"
G.U.E. buddies that you make
Will long be at your beck.
You'll not find dearer friendships
Than those forged at G.U.E. Tech.
So let's all toast our founder
Raise high the glass of beer
There's nothing we would rather be
Than a G.U.E. engineer.
- G.U.E. Tech has its own Surgeon Specific, who in 966
that eating Zork Rocks while
drinking any cola based beverage (such as Blam Classic) can be harmful
to your health due to stomach explosion within 45 seconds.
- The cavern containing the Atrii gateway near Port Foozle
had a lawn
with a variety of grass that
was expressly forbidden to THROCK. THROCKing resulted in the
grass bursting forth from the ground with an unquenchable bloodlust.
The tentacle-like blades would wrap themselves around the extremities
of any bystander, lifting them in the air and snapping them like a
- A NUMDUM spell is a common stupidity spell that lesser
particularly liked to cast upon one another, as a kind of hazing prank
at G.U.E. Tech, when magic was in practice.
- Before the end of the First Age of Magic, G.U.E. Tech
Enchanters Broadcasting System.
- G.U.E. Tech handed out degrees in 918 under the name of the
Esteemed, Gurtho Zilbot.
at G.U.E. Tech during the time of the Lurking Horror include Prof.
Hamstop, Prof. Tighe, Dr. Morlock. Dr. Negele, Prof. Carlsen, and an
unknown man who ran the alchemy department.
- The Mage's List