JACK DANIELS FLATHEAD XIII
Jack Daniels Flathead XIII, the black magical sheep of Flatheadia
most exclusive clan, was a descendant of Jack Daniels Flathead I
preferred to follow his uncle Zipathormus
into the wizarding profession. Given his drunken penchant for turning cheeky
servants into kobolds, this was judged by outsiders to have been a favorable idea, as he was then bound
by the oaths of the Enchanters' Guild.
The pale Flathead had a round face. While in attendence at magic school
he wore a pointy velvet hat with patches near the tip over his touseled, ginger hair.
family was incredibly rich, his mother flaunted this, wearing apparel
such as a tailored linen suit, restrained make-up and enormous gems on
her accessories (just the smallest gems would buy the most finest armor
in Frostham). Her voice also carried a well-bred accent. The family's primary manservant was Whithers, a faithful family retainer whose
ancestors had served the Flathead Dynasty time immorial.
not certain which of Zork's fine magical institutions Jack Daniels left
his family in Gurth for (either before or during the Great Monster
Uprising), but he was determined to be a most powerful wizard. He would
have been a full wizard had he not tried to reverse an ancient family
curse in his last year at the university. The Dread Kobold of Jearr
needed for the rite bit him, and the cursed infection had him bed bound
by exam week. The Wizard 8th Form had studied, but the poisonous
effects still ached. They weakened his concentration. To assure him of
his place in the Enchanters' Guild, he needed the Frobozz Magic Cocoa
of Concentration, the kind that Dungeon Master Dalboz had perfected.
the rare necessary ingredients was Flatheadia Fudge. Due to the family
curse, none of the servants would dare go near Flatheadia's
former site. Thus, upon hearing his uncle Zipathormus speaking highly
of the investigation skills of a man known as "Detective Softly", they
sought him out to recover the fudge. In exchange, he would be richly
rewarded. In the meantime, Jack's mother scoured the markets for the
remaining ingredients, while Whithers heard of some underground witches
who obtained a rather large jar of hotbugs. Because the manservant
refused to negotiate with 'scarlet women', when "Softly" returned with
the Flatheadia fudge, Jack Daniels sent him to the Antharian Caves to
barter for the hotbugs.
"Softly" was gone, Jack's mother could not find any hungus lard nearby.
Thus when the detective returned to Gurth with the hotbugs (Jack used
them in the meantime to keep his cottage warm and snug), "Softly"
sought to find the unusually pugnant lard. It was not hard to find a
hive of Quelbees, but scores of servants and employees returned with
hands empty of all by welts. Thus upon receiving the discovered hungus
lard in the mail, the Flathead family (after persuading the postman to
continue bringing packages with a substantial tip and the last of his
brownies) they insisted that "Softly" use some of the extra hungus lard
to ward off the swarms of Quelbees in order to access their honey.
the honey arrived, Jack made a test batch of cocoa. It was not entirely
successful, since the only nearby subsitution for Moss of Mareilon was
the mossy growth from his bathing room. As a result, the altered cocoa
filled his cottage with friendly purple yipples, visible only to
himself. While these powers were enjoyable, he had to be there to let
the animals out every hour to prevent the cottage from being ruined. As
a replacement for Moss of Mareilon, he sought the more common
alternative ingredient, Borphean blue-green moss from the great
aqueduct pipes of yore. "Softly" was again implored for this task.
day before "Softly" returned to Gurth with the proper moss, the yipples
were thought to have left. As Jack's fraternity planned a party that
night, he had the detective as his guest of hour. The proper cocoa was
made before the party, allowing Jack to impress his nobel fellow
students with numerous clever tricks, and he repeatedly credited
"Softly" with saving his career. A delightful dinner followed, as
course after course of rare roasts, breads, cheeses, and desserts were
catered in, including a jar of rare Quelbee honey. The following
morning, Jack's father and mother took him off to the University lodge
for the final exams, leaving "Softly" behind to wake up around noon in
between two purple yipples. Before leaving, they carefully pinned his
reward to his shirt: a precious ruby brooch, appraised by a jeweler at
50,000~150,000 zorkmids (which, due to the zorkmid inflation of that
time, was not incredibly substantial).
|SOURCE(S): Legends of Zork (game, personal correspondence with author of 'A Wizard and His Cocoa" quest)|