Ogres are strong hideous giants that are ugly, ill-tempered and
stubborn, ranging in size up to 25 feet tall, with dirty brown fur
covering nearly their whole bodies, making them look like a
particularly ill-favored bear. Their hides are thick, providing
protection from blunt attacks. The fairly typical mountain ogre has
brilliant purple carbuncles and with its hair usually matted down with
something slick and unpleasant-smelling. An ogre spotted in Witchville
was eight feet tall with bright pink skin and instead of teeth, had two
long tusks protruding from its lower jaw and rising to either side of
its flat and wrinkled nose.
Ogres are generally uncomfortable and annoyed because of their general
nastiness, bad temper and lice. They are congested, unable to
smell a thing, which may explain why, in spite of their appalling
sanitary habits, ogres are not extinct.
Ogres are fond of gnome flesh balls, and adore pepperoni pizza (if not
uncooked), though consider humans as an alternative. The mere scent of
a freshly baked pizza sends an ogre slobbering, and are easily able to
consume one with a single gulp.
These beasts reside in large ugly rooms or dark caves filled with piles
of filthy furs which function for crude beds. The exterior of the lair
is usually strewn with a litter of bones, old hides and brush. An ogre
lair can be smelled before it is seen; the sanitary habits of ogres are
so appalling, that the mephitic scent that issues forth can be detected
at a distance.
While many live solitary other ogres prefer the nomadic lifestyle,
travelling in ragtag bands. The ogre encampment, complete with
campfire, may be mistaken for a human camp. Thus caution is definitely
advised when adventurering near the Flathead Mountains were hordes of
these ghasty-faced, stone-skinned, insatiable mountain ogres are known
to reside. Some rare intelligent ogres have also been employed by
Gladys to run her Witchville toll bridge.
Ogres are known to despise talking songs, such as the Crusty Monsters
and will flee at all costs. If an ogre is blocking the path, a radio
playing one of these is a sure way to scare away the stinking roadblock.
It is also known that some ogres are acutely allergic to ragweed. The
effects of this are drastic upon the beast, causing horrific itching
and watering of eyes, and monumental sneezing so forceful that the
emitted volley of sneezes sound like the reports of a small cannon.
"Momma Ogre" invented a famous peperoni pizza recipe, which ogres love.
In fact, an ogre in Gruntburg refused to let anybody pass his room
while he was hungry -- anybody. An unknown adventurer followed Momma
Ogre's Recipe and cooked a pizza for this ogre. After consumption of
the one-bite scrumptious meal, the ogre instantly became sleepy and
dozed off, providing safe passage for the adventurer.
Ogre ale is one of the heaviest of all alcoholic beverages.
During the Great Monster Uprising
of the Second Age of Magic
, ogres were reported in the following regions: Frigid River Valley
, The White Cliffs
, White Cliffs Beach
, Aragain Falls
, Flathead Mountains
, Flathead Fjord
, The Gray Mountains
(including The Gray Mountains Asylum
), Antharian Caves
, Granola Mines
, The Coast Road
in Greater Borphee
, Fields of Frotzen
, Gurth Woodland Trial
, Discipline Beach
, Grubbo Hills
, Mithicus Mountains
, The Lonely Mountain
, The Southern Wastes
, and the G.U.E. Tech
Training Grounds in the Ethereal Plane of Atrii